The Pharisaical Christianity Recovery Program

A 12-Step Journey from Self-Centered Religion to Other-Centered Love

Introduction: Recognizing the Problem

Pharisaical Christianity is a spiritual condition where we've replaced Jesus' others-centered gospel with a self-centered system focused on personal spiritual success rather than love for others. Like any recovery program, healing begins with honest recognition of the problem and a willingness to change.The Core Problem:
We've been asking "What must I do to stay right with God?" instead of "What would love do?"The Revolutionary Solution:
Filter every decision through Jesus' lens of love and surrender our need to control, to judge, and to perform our way to righteousness.

The 12 Steps of Pharisaical Christianity Recovery

Step 1: Admit Powerlessness

"We admitted we were powerless over our need to control our spiritual standing and that our self-centered approach to faith had become unmanageable."Reflection Questions:
- Where am I trying to manage my relationship with God through performance rather than trust?
- What evidence do I see that my faith has become more about me than about loving others?
- How has my need to be "right" with God created anxiety, judgment, or distance in my relationships?Prayer: God, I admit that I have been more concerned with my spiritual standing than with loving others. I cannot manage my way into righteousness. Help me surrender my need to control my relationship with You. Amen.Action Step: Make a list of ways you've tried to "manage" your spiritual life (church attendance, prayer schedules, Bible reading, etc.) and honestly assess whether these have made you more loving or just more religious.

Step 2: Believe in a Power Greater Than Self-Reliance

"We came to believe that God's love for us could restore us to authentic faith centered on others rather than ourselves."Reflection Questions:
- Do I believe God's love for me is based on His character or my performance?
- What would change if I truly believed that God's primary thought toward me is love, not disappointment?
- How might understanding God's unconditional love free me to love others without agenda?Prayer: God, I choose to believe that Your love for me is not based on my performance but on Your character. Help me rest in Your love so I can freely love others. Amen.Action Step: Each morning for one week, start your day by saying: "God's primary thought toward me today is love." Notice how this affects your interactions with others.

Step 3: Surrender Control to God

"We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to God's care, choosing His agenda of love over our agenda of self-preservation."Reflection Questions:
- What areas of my life am I still trying to control instead of trusting God?
- Where do I need to stop asking "What's best for me?" and start asking "What would love do?"
- What would surrendering control actually look like in my daily decisions?Prayer: God, I surrender my need to control outcomes and choose to trust Your love. Help me seek Your kingdom first and trust that You will provide what I need. Amen.Action Step: Before making any significant decision this week, pause and ask: "God, what do You think?" and "What would love do in this situation?"

Step 4: Take a Fearless Moral Inventory

"We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our Pharisaical attitudes, judgments, and behaviors."Reflection Questions:
- Who have I judged as unworthy of God's love or my love?
- Where have I created rules or standards that Jesus never required?
- How have I used my "goodness" to separate myself from others rather than serve them?
- What religious performances am I maintaining that have nothing to do with love?Prayer: God, give me courage to see myself honestly. Reveal where I have been self-righteous, judgmental, or focused on religious performance rather than love. Amen.Action Step: Complete the Pharisaical Christianity Assessment (included at end of this section) and share your findings with a trusted friend or mentor.

Step 5: Admit Wrongs to God and Others

"We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our self-centered approach to faith."Reflection Questions:
- Who have I hurt through my judgmental attitudes or religious superiority?
- Where have I prioritized being "right" over being loving?
- How has my self-centered faith damaged my relationships?Prayer: God, I confess that I have often been more concerned with my own spiritual status than with loving others. I have judged when I should have loved, and performed when I should have trusted. Amen.Action Step: Share your Step 4 inventory with a trusted friend, mentor, or counselor. Confess specific ways you've operated from Pharisaical Christianity rather than authentic love.

Step 6: Become Entirely Ready for Character Change

"We were entirely ready to have God remove all defects of character that prevent us from loving others as Jesus loved."Reflection Questions:
- What character defects (pride, judgment, control, self-righteousness) am I ready to release?
- How have these defects prevented me from loving others authentically?
-What would I need to become in order to love like Jesus loved?Prayer: God, I am ready for You to change my heart. Remove my pride, my need to judge, my desire to control. Make me ready to love as Jesus loved. Amen.Action Step: Create a "character change list" of specific attitudes and behaviors you want God to transform, and pray over this list daily.

Step 7: Humbly Ask God for Transformation

"We humbly asked God to remove our self-centeredness and transform us into people who naturally ask 'What would love do?'"Reflection Questions:
- In what specific areas do I need God's help to become more loving?
- Where do I need supernatural grace to love people I find difficult?
- How can I cultivate humility that leads to authentic love?Prayer: God, I humbly ask You to transform my heart. Remove my self-centeredness and give me Your heart of love for others, especially those I find difficult to love. Amen.Action Step: Choose one person you struggle to love and pray for them daily, asking God to help you see them as He sees them.

Step 8: Make a List and Become Willing to Make Amends

"We made a list of all persons we had harmed through our judgmental attitudes and religious superiority, and became willing to make amends to them all."Reflection Questions:
- Who have I hurt through my judgmental attitudes or spiritual superiority?
- Where have I created barriers that prevented others from experiencing God's love?
- How have I used religion to separate myself from others rather than serve them?Prayer: God, show me who I have hurt through my self-righteous attitudes. Give me courage to make amends and rebuild relationships I have damaged. Amen.Action Step: Make a list of people you may have hurt through judgmental attitudes, religious superiority, or creating barriers to faith. Begin praying about how to make amends.

Step 9: Make Direct Amends

"We made direct amends to people we had harmed through our Pharisaical attitudes, except when doing so would injure them or others."Reflection Questions:
- How can I apologize for my judgmental attitudes without making excuses?
- What practical steps can I take to rebuild trust with people I've hurt?
- How can I demonstrate change through my actions, not just my words?Prayer: God, give me wisdom and courage to make amends appropriately. Help me to rebuild relationships through authentic love and changed behavior. Amen.Action Step: Begin reaching out to people on your Step 8 list. Apologize specifically for judgmental attitudes and ask how you can rebuild the relationship.

Step 10: Continue Personal Inventory and Promptly Admit Wrongs

"We continued to take personal inventory, and when we fell back into self-centered faith patterns, we promptly admitted it and returned to love."Reflection Questions:
- What daily practices help me stay aware of my motivations?
- How can I quickly recognize when I'm falling back into Pharisaical patterns?
- What triggers cause me to become judgmental or self-righteous?Prayer: God, help me stay aware of my heart's condition. When I fall back into self-centered patterns, help me quickly recognize it and return to love. Amen.Action Step: Establish a daily practice of examining your heart and motivations. When you catch yourself being judgmental or self-centered, immediately confess and ask: "What would love do right now?"

Step 11: Seek God's Will Through Prayer and Meditation

"We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying for knowledge of His will for us and the power to love as Jesus loved."Reflection Questions:
- How can I cultivate a daily practice of listening for God's voice?
- What would it look like to pray more for others than for myself?
- How can I align my will with God's will to love others?Prayer: God, help me to know Your will and give me power to carry it out. Let Your love flow through me to others, especially those who are difficult to love. Amen.Action Step: Develop a daily practice that includes both speaking to God and listening for His voice. Focus more on asking "What would love do?" than on personal requests.

Step 12: Carry the Message to Others

"Having experienced transformation from self-centered religion to others-centered love, we tried to carry this message to other Christians still trapped in Pharisaical patterns and to practice these principles in all our relationships."Reflection Questions:
- How can I help other Christians recognize and recover from Pharisaical Christianity?
- What does it look like to live by "What would love do?" in all my relationships?
- How can I model the Jesus way rather than the religious way?Prayer: God, use my story of recovery to help others find freedom from self-centered religion. Help me to live out these principles in all areas of my life. Amen.Action Step: Share your recovery journey with other Christians who may be struggling with Pharisaical patterns. Live as an example of other-centered love in all your relationships.

Daily Recovery Practices

Morning Practice: The Love Filter

- Begin each day by reminding yourself: "God's primary thought toward me is love".
- Ask: "God, what would love do today?"
- Identify one person you'll intentionally love in a practical way.
- Surrender your agenda to God's agenda of love.

Evening Practice: Love Inventory

- Review the day: Where did I act from love vs. self-interest?
- Confess any return to judgmental or self-centered patterns.
- Celebrate moments when you chose love over self-preservation.
- Pray for people you struggled to love today.

Weekly Practice: The Pharisee Check

Answer these questions honestly each week:- Am I becoming more loving or more religious?
- Who have I judged this week instead of loved?
- Where have I created barriers instead of bridges?
- What would love do in my most difficult relationship?

The Pharisaical Christianity Assessment

Rate yourself honestly on a scale of 1-5 (1 = Never, 5 = Always):Sacred Places Focus:
- I feel guiltier about missing church than mistreating someone at work ___
- I believe God is more present in church buildings than in everyday places ___
- I whisper in sanctuaries but speak normally elsewhere ___Sacred Rules Focus:
- I wonder how close I can get to sin without actually sinning ___
- I focus more on religious rules than on loving others ___
- I measure spiritual maturity by rule-following rather than love ___Sacred Authority Focus:
- I'm more concerned with religious leaders' approval than neighbors' needs ___
- I depend on pastors/authorities to tell me what God thinks ___
- I trust religious hierarchy more than God's direct guidance ___Self-Centered Patterns:
- I pray more about my needs than others' needs ___
- I view people as good/bad influences on my faith ___
- I ask "What must I do to please God?" more than "What would love do?" ___Judgment Patterns:
- I decide who deserves God's love or my love ___
- I create standards for others that Jesus never required ___
- I'm critical rather than curious when meeting different people ___Scoring:
15-30: Minimal Pharisaical patterns - continue growing in love.
31-50: Moderate Pharisaical infection - focus on specific areas.
51-75: Significant Pharisaical patterns - consider intensive recovery work.

Support Resources

Find Your Recovery Community

Recovery Partner:
Someone also working through these steps.Sponsor/Mentor:
Someone further along in recovery from Pharisaical Christianity.Small Group:
Others committed to moving from religion to relationship.

Recovery Mantras

When you feel yourself falling back into Pharisaical patterns, repeat:
- "What would love do right now?"
- "God's love for me is not based on my performance".
- "I am called to love, not to judge".
- "Who am I to decide who gets to sit at the feet of Jesus?"

Emergency Recovery Plan

When you catch yourself in Pharisaical patterns:
STOP - Pause whatever you're doing.
CONFESS - Admit you've returned to self-centered thinking.
SURRENDER - Ask God to realign your heart with His love.
PIVOT - Ask "What would love do right now?"
ACT - Do one thing that demonstrates love rather than self-interest.

Why Christians Are Hard To Love

For centuries, Christianity has often traded others-centered love for religious performance. This book offers a revolutionary alternative—one that could transform how you see faith and life.

Remember:
Progress, Not Perfection

Recovery from Pharisaical Christianity is a lifelong journey, not a destination. The goal isn't to become perfect but to become more loving. Every time you choose "What would love do?" over "What's in this for me?" you're making progress.You will have setbacks. You will catch yourself judging instead of loving, performing instead of trusting, controlling instead of surrendering. This is normal. The key is to quickly recognize these patterns, confess them, and return to love.The Promise:
As you work these steps and practice these principles, you will experience the freedom that comes from others-centered faith. You'll discover that loving others is not a burden but a joy, not a duty but a privilege. You'll find yourself naturally asking "What would love do?" because that question leads to the life Jesus promised—a life of meaning, purpose, and authentic transformation.The Ultimate Goal: To become so transformed by God's love that we naturally love others the way Jesus loved us—without agenda, without condition, without reservation. This is the revolutionary possibility that can change not only our hearts but our families, communities, and world.Welcome to recovery. Welcome to freedom. Welcome to love.

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:35